Is it love? Are they meant to be together? Or are they just scared of other possibilities?
Relationships are like glass. It’s better to leave it broken then hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” – Unknown
I’ve heard countless stories of people (friends included) who live on this on/off relationship with their partners. I never really understood why these couples seem to come back to one another only to later break up and then make up… the cycle just goes on and on till the news becomes so blergh to everyone (then again I’ve got no experience to compare it too)! Being my curious self, I boldly ask them the question everyone wants to know – WHY? Their usual response: ‘it’s complicated’, which doesn’t really explain anything. So what is complicated? Well, like the meaning of the word, these couples can’t really explain the reason behind their decisions; it’s complex, but I did some research and found some rationales that might clear the air.
I CAN’T BE ALONE
Being in a relationship is like having someone with you whom you can rely on and for some comfort; his or her absence feels odd and somewhat empty. Out of habit you crawl back, begging to perhaps reignite the spark. According to seventeen.com, a period of loneliness is called for but it can be overwhelming for someone who lacks self-worth.
DATING? NO THANK YOU!
At a certain point in life when you’re at the age of settling down or having a stable relationship, dating seems to be such a nuisance. You have to go out, meet new people and share your stories and secrets, basically starting all over again. It’s hard for some to pour out everything to a new person; getting back with the ex is a much simpler alternative!
I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE ELSE
Some feel they’re worthless. It’s as if breaking up not only meant the relationship is rejected but you feel rejected too. Which shouldn’t be the case; you’re fine and you need to learn that you’re brilliant, beautiful and you CAN have a second shot at love with someone else. He or she isn’t the only one for you – you’ll never know until you try.
IT’LL WORK OUT THIS TIME, RIGHT?
It was just bad timing, it happened in the heat of an argument – keep telling yourself that, girl! If it’s happening one too many times, you’ve got to accept the fact that it’ll most likely be like that all the time. History always repeats itself. A research shows that the more regularly a couple break up and make up, the more their relationship worsens leading to negative interactions and less satisfaction as well as commitment.
Is this an excuse or have they really changed? Mostly it’s what you want to believe. You want to believe that they have changed and become better and wiser. Usually that’s never the case; you’ve got to look at their reasons for wanting to get back and what was the reason for the breakup. Of course, people can change but there are times when the minute they are back together, they’re back to their old selves – in a never-ending tiring loop.
People always say don’t dwell on the past but actually, you kind of have to, otherwise how will you learn? Those break-up and make-up partners usually come back within three to four months of being apart (glamour.com). Use that time to re-evaluate your decisions and give yourself the time to explore and get to know who you as a single.
Source: eHarmony, Seventeen, Gulfelitemag