How To Be A Modern Matchmaker For Your Single Friends

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Ever had that feeling that two of your single friends would be the perfect couple if they dated? Here are steps that you can take to match them up! 

Dating in this day and age can be hard. You might agree if you’re single and looking. If you’re happily taken, just ask your single friends!

Fortunately, Violet Lim, certified matchmaker, co-founder and CEO of matchmaking company Lunch Actually, has come up with a plan: one that has worked for over 70,000 of the roughly 90,000 dates she has set up during her illustrious 13-year career. Violet started out as a Management Associate at Citibank, where she realised that most of her colleagues were single and too busy with their jobs. Together with her then-fiancé Jamie (who she met at university), she took a huge risk by quitting her job to start Lunch Actually, a company that pairs compatible singles up and arranges lunch dates for them. Today, the company has over a hundred associates all over KL, Penang, Hong Kong, Singapore, Jakarta and Bangkok. Violet says that she rates her success by how each person rates their dates after, rather than marriage- but she would like to add that a few thousand of her matches have resulted in marriage!

Last week, I attended Violet’s Lunch Actually Matchmaking Masterclass, and here’s what I learned about the art of matchmaking in this modern era:

  1. Choose the match wisely

So you’ve got two friends who you think might make a great match, but you aren’t 100 per cent sure. We’ve all heard the saying ‘opposites attract’, but Violet explains that there’s actually one thing that every successful couple should have in common: similarity in values. It’s important to decipher what each person thinks about money, family values, personal development. Sounds boring, but truth is these things are very important!

The perfect match should be able to start a spark. Pun intended. via GIPHY

  1. Ask for permission

As much as we’d love to imagine a romcom scenario where two people get thrown together in an unexpected situation, only to make the most out of it and fall in love, in real life this kind of situation might make your friends super uncomfortable. You may have their best interests at heart, and they might really be compatible. Nonetheless, they might not be interested in relationships at the moment, or might not be interested in getting introduced this way. You can try to get them to open up a li’l about the idea of getting to know someone but don’t be a meddler–make sure you have both their consents before doing anything.



  1. Play the Wants VS Needs game

At the workshop, Violet had us play the ‘Wants VS Needs’ game: we wrote out eight relationship ‘wants’ (e.g. what we’d like to see in our other half, like ‘enjoys reading a variety of books’ or ‘exercises every day’). Then, we took the top three most important ‘wants’, and turned them into ‘needs’–qualities we think are essential in a future partner. If none of those ‘wants’ could be translated into needs, it meant that we had to rethink our expectations. Try this out with your single friends!

I had a go at the ‘Want vs. Need’ game myself!

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