Tip 2! Play 40 Beads
“We tend to fall into the habit of saying ‘no’, or there might be fear of rejection for being too affectionate,” explains Erin. “For instance, the less affectionate person might worry that kissing an affectionate partner could be misinterpreted as him wanting sex when all he wants is a kiss or cuddle. This could lead to a vicious circle of no one acting like how they truly feel.” Talk about complicated! To boost communication, Erin suggests playing a simple yet effective game, which author Carolyn Evans wrote about in Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage. Here’s how it works: the husband gets 40 beads; when he desires sex, he can drop one bead into his partner’s bedside bowl. The idea is for the other party to initiate sex within 24 hours.
Obviously, you can negotiate the details, including the time period during which you have to respond, or who holds on to the beads (it may be that you have a higher sex drive). But the point of the exercise is for “the person with the higher sex drive to initiate sex, and to allow the person with the lower sex drive breathing room and space to ease into the mood”, says Erin. “The idea is to break the habit of saying no and remove the pressure of sex behind displays of affection.”