5 Ways Bad Sex Can Actually Teach You Something Good

A face palm moment in the sack doesn’t have to be something to forget. Think of it as a teachable moment – when you’ll learn something about your guy, yourself, and what to do the next time it happens.

Photography: Unsplash.com

1. Overthinking it can kill the mood

Who doesn’t love a sensitive guy? But sometimes, it’s way overrated. “My partner kept asking me, ‘Are you okay? Is this okay? Does everything feel okay?’ I was annoyed that I eventually snapped at him to stop talking,” says Anna*, 27.

“He did, but if you’re wondering whether I had an orgasm, the answer is no.”

2. Give him a chance

One busy bedroom romp doesn’t have to spell disaster. Ask Melissa*, 29, who tried to get it on with her guy after a long day.

“Michael* was so tired, he couldn’t perform,” she recalls. He then grabbed his phone and texted his dad – who replied with some advice (‘Son, these things happen when you’re tired or you’ve been drinking’).

“I was mortified at first. But I also charmed by his closeness to his family, and decide not to hold that incident against him.”

3. If you don’t like what he’s doing, say so

Just because it rocks his boat doesn’t mean that it’ll rock yours. If he’s crossed the line of what’s comfortable for you, call him out on it or walk away. It’s what Tammy*, 27, picked up from a bad experience.

“Once, before sex, he spat on my nether regions because he considered it foreplay. It’s not so much of the act that made me angry – it was that he did it without considering my feelings. He should have at least asked first if it was okay. It was gross and I felt like a piece of meat, but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset him. Today I’m a lot more vocal.”

The takeaway: great sex happens if you communicate what you like and, most importantly what you don’t.

4. See the funny side

You might be face with a frustrating situation, but being chill is always good. “Richard* had a curved penis, so having sex wasn’t as easy,” says Denise*, 25.

“On one occasion, we tried a few times, but in the end, I laughed and exclaimed, ‘I can’t do this!’ We both lost the mood, but ended up spending the rest of the night talking.”

If you’re faced with similar problem, sexologist Martha Lee suggests guiding him during sex.

5. Know when to let it go

“I was spotting because it was the end of my period, and midway through sex, he suddenly noticed small stain on the pillow. He immediately stopped, got up, and took the pillow into her bathroom to wash it,” says Giselle*, 30.

“He came back 15 minutes later with a clean pillow. I was embarrassed, but decided not to say anything. So I just got up and left the room. He didn’t apologise or ask me what was wrong.”

Sometimes, you can’t figure out why people are the way they are – and that’s probably for the best.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Taken from the print edition.